Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
