Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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