This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
