Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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