Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
