Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
