One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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