Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
