My first STD was from a foam party
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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