new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The best revenge is premature balding
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize