On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
