I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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