I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize