When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
