Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize