Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
