I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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