Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I sprained my soul last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
