R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
