can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
