She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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