well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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