Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Acid is not a monday night drug
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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