I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
