i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
