All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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