She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
