Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He better not be in your backpack
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
