Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
