I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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