remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
