I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
