She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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