There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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