I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
