Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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