yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
