I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
