The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
