it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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