i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
