Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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