ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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