i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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