His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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