hotel room ftw
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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