She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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