How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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