What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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