I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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