You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize