she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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