I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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