hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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