Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
