I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Let's paint friendship bongs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
