a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
