I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
