Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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