brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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