i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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