I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found your dick twin last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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