It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
