I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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