i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
