also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
