At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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