Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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