You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
