Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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