She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
